apparently the secret to your success is patron
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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