he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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