his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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