You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
