If that was your dad, he is hot
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
