i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
