the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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