im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
