Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
