I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
