Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The air was thick with penises
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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