operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
