You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
