My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
