I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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