Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
