Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
