i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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