Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He felt like a one man threesome
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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