you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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