Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
