I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
