i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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