Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Still dying that you shit outside
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
