you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
