hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize