2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
