apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Green mimosas i think yes
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
