If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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