I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
