Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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