Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have aggressive nipples.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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