He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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