it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
