I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Alive.
So much puke
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
