you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
