I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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