I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
