its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
