i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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