My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
