no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
