just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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