If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I sprained my soul last night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
