benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
