I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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