I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
