I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
