He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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