I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
