That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
