i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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