he wants to bone in the snuggie
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You left your underwear on the fireplace
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
