Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
