i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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