so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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