I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
