I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize