I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.