Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.