I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...