Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
