He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
