So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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