and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
