Buhtt sex?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
