I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
