neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
